Kathy's Birthday
On The Stereo: Never Saw Blue Like That: Shawn Colvin
In My Blood: Percocet, and the Regulars
Guess who, baby girl.
Update Today, March 4th, 2019
February is a testicularly - challenged month. Unlike every other month, it does not have the hubris to hang in for at least the requisite 30 days contained in every other month. The majority even work overtime, doling out an extra day and showing their fortitude and gusto. Not so, with that wintery wimp, February. To be fair, it does, every four years, get up enough energy, to eke out one more day. As if that is enough to make up for its pathetic record for the three years preceding. A very disturbing and disappointing month indeed.
One of the great casualties of so short a month, is the surprise that, when you have let your guard down, March is suddenly upon us. A complete and unexpected ambush. Then comes the birthday issues. An early March birthday, especially of someone you love, is shattering and deflating news. We have not prepared. We are left, fumbling, stumbling and muttering excuses. Welcome to my world. On many years. Not this one. Kath had a terrific birthday weekend.
In retracing those previous years, all she ever wanted, was for me to make some symbolic gesture in recognition of her genesis. One day not to be forgotten. It does not take me long to be reminded that all of her birthdays were not as much fun.
I wrote the following piece two years ago, and did not publish it, then. I do so now, as an example of one of her less happy birthdays, I am sorry to say. A short 66th birthday retrospective for my Babe.
Been with her through friends
And marriage
March 3, 2017
Kathy turned 66 on March 3rd, 2017. She received one birthday card - from her dear friend Sandra Matson. She did not get one from me this year, for which I am truly sorry. Kathy deserves much better. She still believes in taking time to send a birthday card to her friends and family, and often will phone them. We both, often, will phone the celebrant, and give our own rendition of "Happy Birthday To You". We are brilliant. We know most of the words, and we create variety in the melody. Each new rendition is a masterpiece. But, even with our choral virtuosity, it is not enough for Kath. She is still pleasantly old fashioned when it comes to communications. Me, not so much. I freely admit my inadequacy.
We are at an age when we are not sure who will be around for their next one, or whether we will be alive and cognitive enough to acknowledge their day and help them celebrate. I believe that most, if not all of us, appreciate that we have family and friends who do think and care about us. The only times she fails to do so, are when her mind has been preoccupied with more pressing matters. I can take credit for much of that stress - thank you very much.
Our circle of friends shrinks each year, ever so slowly, but inevitably so. Despite numerous rumors to the contrary, I am still here. Given exit plans too often, but, for whatever reason, gifted unexpected days.
If there is one person responsible, it is my bride. She has willingly and singularly given me, her family and her friends, her very best. Her magnificent heart. She has been strong for me when I needed strength and has wept with me when I needed comfort. We know too well each other’s makeup and we both try, when we argue, not to target the underbelly of our weaknesses. We need us. Together. Us. We freely give each other love and respect and recognize the moment that one of us needs help. Silent, sometimes, but always with care. I, particularly, try not to ever let a dark shadow darken our collective soul. I could not lose this girl.
Her long-running directive throughout the seemingly endless health issues we have faced, is to be “chipper”. “Nobody wants a grumpy old man”, she tells me. Usually the admonishment is right after difficult news or a more serious diagnosis. She knows that I am naturally in good spirits, but she loves the laughter she draws from me when I rail at her, reminding her that she was not the one on the cutting board or that she is not losing weight due to excessive surgery. I often tell her that I am like “the good pig”. Too good to kill all at once. I am going a slab at a time. And we laugh. We always end with laughter.
So back to Kath’s birthday. We traveled on that morning to Tampa General Hospital for another operation. I had been having squamous cell cancers grow on my head since November. Dr. Michael Harrington had removed several, and now I had this enormous growth protruding from the crown of my head. We had completed a CT scan to identify the depth of the cancer, and my good doctor was prepared to excise it post haste. The cancer had also grown inward, to a point that it was just touching the skull. He could perform the surgery without a neurosurgeon involved, but would need to scrape the bone to ensure that cancer cells were totally eradicated before closing the wound.
We had agreed that since I was to be anesthetized, he would also do a revision of the wound left over from my second brain surgery. There had been complications when he and Dr. Tran had tried to re-attach the top of my head several years ago. They could not get blood flow under the scalp, so they decided to add a skin graft and leave a gruesome looking wound rather than chance post-operative problems with the blood-flow issue. A good decision under stress, I’m sure.
The grafted brow. Not a pretty sight.
In any event, Dr. Harrington was never happy with the scar and wanted to improve my appearance. Now was the chance for a do-over. I naturally agreed, knowing the inherent problems with anesthesia and surgery. Not unusually, the surgery had no guarantee of success and it was going to take time. A lot of time. Kath was prepared to sit alone, all day, on her birthday, and keep watch over me. When we arrived at pre-op, David and Robin Hanna, were already there, to keep her company, and to ensure she had somebody to lean on, if problems were encountered. How could we ever, properly thank them.
Happy Birthday Kathy! That was your day. No card. No cake. No dinner out. A day in surgery, waiting, again, patiently, for her patient.
This is why I keep hanging around.
Then we were at home, waiting for the next Monday to have some stitches removed and bandages changed. The operation went well. The squamous was removed. The previous surgeries in the same area had left my head looking like a relief map of a war zone. Lots of wounds, some not yet healed and not much healthy skin with which to work. My doctor decided to open up the whole area and create one large wound rather than leave the mish-mash that was there. He also did a kind of brow lift, to soften the previous forehead scar. I don’t look good - even with my head wrapped to cover the mess that must be there. I’ll get my first glimpse on the 14th. Then, on the 28th, Dr. Harrington will skin graft the entire area. A few weeks later, we will have a showing. In the meantime, I hide out at home, save the daily walks forced on me by my Kathleen.
If you are facing a battle against cancer, you could have no better ally than my bride. Yesterday, as I was typing this, Kathy had come to tell me that she was going for a walk with her cousin, Donna. She very gently tugs at me to join her for a short walk, before she leaves for her big walk. I usually walk 3 - 5 miles regularly, but today I am not up to anything. She does not want to push me, but knows how much exercise helps, not only my physical, but also my mental health. Stubborn today. I feel more comfortable in withdrawal. OK, she says. Pressing the matter would only create more resistance. I give her a smile. I do love her. I will return to life, but not just yet.
Dr. Harrington just called Kath to let her know the pathologies show no leftover cancer. One dressing change next week and a new skin graft on the 28th.
That was then. This is now.
March 4, 2019, Closure
She received birthday cards this year, as always, from her buddy, Sandra Matson and also from The Frenches, with whom we golfed yesterday.
She is teaching a grade two gifted class at Challenger, and took them on Friday, to Legoland, for one long, hot, day. It is a 2 hour bus trip each way, but she had a most rewarding day with "her kids", and gushed enthusiastically over her experience.
When she eventually arrived home, we had late cocktails, pizza and bridge with the Duggans, a ritual she cherishes. And then we thankfully settled in for some much - needed sleep.
On Saturday, we had an easy day and late afternoon golf on our big course and enjoyed our evening at home, after canceling reservations at Bonefish She just wanted us to be home, for a quiet night together. Yesterday, after golf with Janis and Jim, she Face Timed with her brother Bob and his family in British Columbia, and also with Kristin and Margaux, from Margaux's surprise 40th in Richmond.
She received some nods from her Facebook friends, and later, we dined with the Hannas. We celebrated in style. A fitting end to a pretty darned good birthday.
We had a fairly typical weekend for us. Familiarity and contentment in our lives. And laughter. Always laughter.
In the Bahamas
In my personal favorite suit
Happy Birthday Kat Lady.
She is teaching a grade two gifted class at Challenger, and took them on Friday, to Legoland, for one long, hot, day. It is a 2 hour bus trip each way, but she had a most rewarding day with "her kids", and gushed enthusiastically over her experience.
When she eventually arrived home, we had late cocktails, pizza and bridge with the Duggans, a ritual she cherishes. And then we thankfully settled in for some much - needed sleep.
On Saturday, we had an easy day and late afternoon golf on our big course and enjoyed our evening at home, after canceling reservations at Bonefish She just wanted us to be home, for a quiet night together. Yesterday, after golf with Janis and Jim, she Face Timed with her brother Bob and his family in British Columbia, and also with Kristin and Margaux, from Margaux's surprise 40th in Richmond.
She received some nods from her Facebook friends, and later, we dined with the Hannas. We celebrated in style. A fitting end to a pretty darned good birthday.
We had a fairly typical weekend for us. Familiarity and contentment in our lives. And laughter. Always laughter.
In the Bahamas
In my personal favorite suit
Happy Birthday Kat Lady.
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