Radiation

 

Radiation

In My Bloodstream: Lisinopril,  Amlodopine,  Omeprazole, Tamsulosin and Keytruda - and now Yervoy,  Anti-diarrhea and Steroids (Prednisone)

On The Stereo: Surefire: John Legend

I have not written, not because  I am unhealthy, but my world has been boring.   I did manage to play golf twice last week, with the guys, and once more this week with my friend, all in between Moffitt visits.  To be perfectly honest, I did play on one of our executive courses, and I did not finish the first two  rounds.  The heat was not tolerable, and I bailed after 13 holes - both times.  As did the neighborhood Relix (my term for my neighborhood friends - old and valuable relics) I was with.  I think they wanted to quit even earlier, but were embarrassed into staying when I said I was continuing.  I was happy to get home and back into the air conditioning.

My game did start to come back, at a snail's pace, mind you.  But my balance and strength showed welcome signs.  Kath and I did finish our game.  I was a puddle.

Fatigue arrives unexpectedly, in waves.  When I think all is starting to come together, I get a slap in the face from my cancer friend, and backward I go.  Frustrating.

My diarrhea has not shown improvement.  In fact, several times these past two weeks, things have definitely worsened.  

My "normal" routine has been one bout a day, without urgency.  So the docs have not worried too much about my problem.  They are too busy frying bigger fish. 

Peeing is another matter.  I am awake almost all night, every night.  Sleep deprivation is my reality.  

A few days ago I was up, trying to focus on my computer, when I felt my stomach clench.  First time ever, through this experience.  I realized the problem immediately.  I bolted to the bathroom in 3.8 seconds and realized that I was now, not in full control of my suddenly undisciplined intestines.  I can no longer be so cavalier in my travels.   

Cancer has been sharing my life for years.  We have managed to survive and carry on, neither one of us giving in.  But this time my disease was simply rude.  I do not mind sharing my life with cancer, but I don't want it to take charge of my responsibilities.  And I am not at all pleased.

We will move on from this, with apologies - again.  Too much shit in my life.

In the midst of everything else, stupid stuff decides to irritate me.  Planter Faceitis returned after about 15 years.  At Renaissance, my friend Bob and I, and one other guy, all got it at the same time.  All of us hobbling around, crabbing at our misfortune.  Mine was so bad, I sold my Cayman S, as it was sitting, un-driven in the driveway, for months.  I could not use my left foot on the clutch.  That was a sad day.

Now it returns.  Then I got an infection under my left fingernail.  Then I banged my shin into my bed frame, coming back from the john - cutting that open.  Then I cut the same shin open while moving a folding stool from one room to another.  

Mullen's Law

Murphy was an amateur.

On September 11th, 2001, I was in my office in the old Telephone Building in Tuscaloosa.  One of our employees stuck his head in the door and told me his wife had called, and told him that an airplane had just flown into tone of the Twin Towers.  I turned on the tv in the office I had just inherited from a former partner.  I was the new partner.  And I had  a tv.

And then the story started.  Bit by bit.  I was incredulous.  Most of the news continued to focus on the incident as an accident.  Then the second plane.  And you know the rest.

I am not sure how our relocation to America played a role in how I reacted, or even understood what was unfolding in real time.  Canadians, mostly, were not wrapped up in U.S foreign policy and problems.  But here we were.

Our staff wandered in and out of the office, catching up on the latest news.  Some wondered if we were all in danger, and should we all head home.  I called Kath to ensure she was aware of the news.

And now, twenty years later, I am shocked at how I am still affected by the events of that day.  I told my bride that I was not sure that I could manage the coverage that was going to come.  My intent was to watch  college football.  I had waited so long for it to begin and I had no guarantee that I would be alive to see it.  And now, the stars had aligned, and the promised joy was overshadowed by an event twenty years past.

My day became a roller-coaster of emotion.  But it was too apparent that football happiness was no match for the ongoing review of 9/11.  I wept most of the day.  I am an American.  And my grief would not release me.  My skin, formerly so thick and resilient, has become the thinnest of veneers.

From an e-mail

"Todd Beamer was and evangelical Christian and one of the heroes of Flight 93 on September 11, 2001. His last conversation with a telephone operator named Lisa bears witness to great courage and grace. He left behind a pregnant wife and two children. Read every bit of this, and remember.

Todd: Hello… Operator…listen to me…I can’t speak very loud. – This is an emergency. I’m a passenger on a United flight to San Francisco.. We have a situation here….Our plane has been hijacked…..can you understand me?

Lisa: (exhaling a deep breath to herself) I understand… Can the hijackers see you talking on the phone?

Todd: No

Lisa: Can you tell me how many hijackers are on the plane?

Todd: There are three that we know of.

Lisa: Can you see any weapons? What kind of weapons do they have?

Todd: Yes…. they don’t have guns….they have knives – they took over the plane with knives.

Lisa: Do you mean…like steak knives?

Todd: No, these are razor knives…like box cutters.

Lisa: Can you tell what country these people are from?

Todd: No…..I don’t know. They sound like they’re from the mid-east.

Lisa: Have they said what they want?

Todd: Someone announced from the cockpit that there was a bomb on board. He said he was the captain and to stay in our seats and stay quiet.

He said that they were meeting these men’s demands and returning to the airport… It was very broken English, and… I’m telling you…it sounded fake!

Lisa: Ok sir, please give me your name.

Todd: My name is Todd Beamer.

Lisa: Ok Todd….my name is Lisa…Do you know your flight number? If you can’t remember, it’s on your ticket.

Todd: It’s United Flight 93.

Lisa: Now Todd, can you try to tell me exactly what happened?

Todd: Two of the hijackers were sitting in first class near the cockpit. A third one was sitting near the back of the coach section. The two up front got into the cockpit somehow; there was shouting. The third hijacker said he had a bomb. It looks like a bomb. He’s got it tied to his waist with a red belt of some kind.

Lisa: So is the door to the cockpit open?

Todd: No, the hijackers shut it behind them.

Lisa: Has anyone been injured?

Todd: Yes, ..they…they killed one passenger sitting in first class. There’s been lots of shouting. We don’t know if the pilots are dead or alive. A flight attendant told me that the pilot and copilot had been forced from the cockpit and may have been wounded.

Lisa: Where is the 3rd hijacker now Todd?

Todd: He’s near the back of the plane. They forced most of the passengers into first class. There are fourteen of us here in the back. Five are flight attendants. He hasn’t noticed that I slipped into this pantry to get the phone. The guy with the bomb ordered us to sit on the floor in the rear of the plane……….oh Jesus.. Help!

Lisa: Todd….are you ok? Tell me what’s happening!

Todd: Hello…..We’re going down….I think we’re going to crash……Wait – wait a minute. No, we’re leveling off….we’re ok. I think we may be turning around…..That’s it – we changed directions. Do you hear me….we’re flying east again.

Lisa: Ok Todd…. What’s going on with the other passengers?

Todd: Everyone is… really scared. A few passengers with cell phones have made calls to relatives. A guy, Jeremy, was talking to his wife just before the hijacking started. She told him that hijackers had crashed two planes into the World Trade Center……Lisa is that true??

Lisa: Todd…..I have to tell you the truth…..it’s very bad. The World Trade Center is gone. Both of the towers have been destroyed.

Todd: Oh God —help us!

Lisa: A third plane was taken over by terrorists. It crashed into the Pentagon in Washington DC. Our country is under attack….and I’m afraid that your plane may be part of their plan.

Todd: Oh dear God. Dear God…….Lisa, will you do something for me?

Lisa: I’ll try….if I can….Yes.

Todd: I want you to call my wife and my kids for me and tell them what’s happened. Promise me you’ll call..

Lisa: I promise – I’ll call.

Todd: Our home number is 201 353-1073…….You have the same name as my wife…Lisa….We’ve been married for 10 years. She’s pregnant with our 3rd child. Tell her that I love her…….(choking up)..I’ll always love her..(clearing throat) We have two boys.. David, he’s 3 and Andrew, he’s 1…..Tell them……(choking) tell them that their daddy loves them and that he is so proud of them. (clearing throat again) Our baby is due January 12th…..I saw an ultra sound…..it was great….we still don’t know if it’s a girl or a boy………Lisa?

Lisa: (barely able to speak) I’ll tell them, I promise Todd.

Todd: I’m going back to the group—if I can get back I will…

Lisa: Todd, leave this line open…are you still there?……

Lisa: (dials the phone..) Hello, FBI, my name is Lisa Jefferson, I’m a telephone supervisor for GTE. I need to report a terrorist hijacking of a United Airlines Flight 93….Yes I’ll hold.

Goodwin: Hello, this is Agent Goodwin.. I understand you have a hijacking situation?

Lisa: Yes sir, I’ve been talking with a passenger, a Todd Beamer, on Flight 93 who managed to get to an air phone unnoticed.

Goodwin: Where did this flight originate, and what was its destination?

Lisa: The flight left Newark New Jersey at 8 A.M. departing for San Francisco. The hijackers took over the plane shortly after takeoff, and several minutes later the plane changed course – it is now flying east.

Goodwin: Ms Jefferson…I need to talk to someone aboard that plane. Can you get me thru to the plane’s phone?

Lisa: I still have that line open sir, I can patch you through on a conference call…hold a mo…..

Todd: Hello Lisa, Lisa are you there?

Lisa: Yes, I’m here. Todd, I made a call to the FBI.  Agent Goodwin is on the line and will be talking to you as well.

Todd: The others all know that this isn’t your normal hijacking. Jeremy called his wife again on his cell phone. She told him more about the World Trade Center and all.

Goodwin: Hello Todd. This is Agent Goodwin with the FBI. We have been monitoring your flight. Your plane is on a course for Washington, DC. These terrorists sent two planes into the World Trade Center and one plane into the Pentagon. Our best guess is that they plan to fly your plane into either the White House or the United States Capital Building.

Todd: I understand…hold on……I’ll…….I’ll be back..

Lisa: Mr Goodwin, how much time do they have before they get to Washington?

Goodwin: Not long ma’am. They changed course over Cleveland; they’re approaching Pittsburgh now. Washington may be twenty minutes away.

Todd: (breathing a little heavier) The plane seems to be changing directions just a little. It’s getting pretty rough up here. The plane is flying real erratic….We’re not going to make it out of here.

Lisa: Todd, what are you going to do?

Todd: We’ve hatched a plan. Four of us are going to rush the hijacker with the bomb. After we take him out, we’ll break into the cockpit. A stewardess is getting some boiling water to throw on the hijackers at the controls. We’ll get them….and we’ll take them out. Lisa, …..will you do one last thing for me?

Lisa: Yes…What is it?

Todd: Would you pray with me?

They pray: Our Father which art in Heaven

Hallowed be thy name,

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread,

And forgive us our trespasses

As we forgive our trespassers,

And lead us not into temptation

But deliver us from evil

For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want…

He makes me to lie down in green pastures

He leads me beside the still waters

He restores my soul

He leads me in paths of righteousness

for His name’s sake

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

I will fear no evil, for thou art with me….

Todd: (softer) God help me…Jesus help me….(clears throat and louder)

Are you guys ready?……

Let’s Roll……"

Next week.